Powerful Listening
I am not always the best listener. Even as I quickly approach my 75th birthday, I find myself now and then more focused on what I want to say than on what another person is saying. Intellectually, I know that listening is more important than planning my response. Listening allows my brain to process another's viewpoint with respect for both of us. It is obviously more respectful to the speaker because it confirms that I am present in that moment and hearing what they are saying. This is even more beneficial when I ask questions about what they think or feel before "taking my turn." The next respectful choice is to say something like, "Let me think about that a moment." This gives me time to organize my thoughts and be sure I am clear and ready emotionally as well. If I am experiencing intense emotions, it may be wise to breathe through some of that intensity in order to create an atmosphere where the listener wants to hear me. Once I feel ready to speak, I monitor the tone of my voice and attempt to be concise as well as clear.
I am noticing that my conversational skills have diminished due to the ongoing requirements for social distancing and stay-at-home orders where I live. I miss my people! When I get to see them outside or on a group ZOOM event, restraining my excitement is a challenge. I talk too much when I'm excited! For anyone reading this who is a friend of mine, please feel free to nicely 😉 say "Catherine, slow down please. I want to respond to what you just said." I promise to thank you for supporting my desire to be a more effective communicator.
I am a work in progress, as we all are, and it is empowering to give myself permission to think! At times it may even be necessary to create space in the conversation for emotions to settle and the mind to clear. In that case, I want to say something like "I want to postpone this conversation for another day so that I will be calmer and clearer when I respond." I do not need the other person's permission and can choose to stick to my choice.
None of these personal choices are easy but, when I have done this in the past, it is the best choice for me and for my relationship with the other person.
May Love and Peace Abound in Our Hearts and Minds.
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