Missing the Me I am When I Am With You
This current world-wide experience has caused our daily lives to change. At first I was experiencing too many shifts and changes to track. The magnitude of this spreading virus was too much to take in, especially because the reports heavily emphasized the danger to people in my age group - I am 74.
About 10 days into the first self-quarantine ordered, reality hit me hard. I could not contain or manage the overwhelming grief that passed in and through me. All I could do was honor the decision I had made the day before to watch very little TV. After all, it was the same every day: more reported illnesses, more positive tests, more deaths. I reached out to dear & trusted friends to pray for me. By mid-afternoon, I was calmer, crying less often, and completely exhausted.
Now, by necessity, more people than I can count are alone at home. They are, like me, not being with beloved family or friends. I miss playing with my grandchildren, hugging my daughter, son, and daughter-in-law. I had plane tickets to be with my daughter (& stay with her in a hotel) and to visit friends in Las Vegas, where I lived for many years. I cancelled and I miss them! I miss her!
Recently a memory surfaced of a conversation with a fellow student that I had during my basic yoga teacher training in Colorado over thirty years ago. The conversation centered around loving and being loved, infatuation, etc. We realized that the early stage of a relationship, whether platonic or sexual, is so fun and exciting. We want to be with and talk with the person as often as possible. Every encounter is a high! If intimacy begins to grow, some of that settles down and we go about the business of creating a relationship. At one point I gazed into the eyes of my new friend and asked her, "But what is this feeling of falling in love with another, even on the platonic level? Why is it so incredibly wonderful?" She looked softly back into my eyes and answered, "Don't you think the wonder of it is that we are also falling back in love with ourselves?"
Yes, I do think that. In fact, I now know the truth of that. It is important for me to remember this now because I am missing the person I am when I am with people who love and accept me. My loved ones are missing who they are when I am there loving and accepting them. Do you see? We are more fully ourselves when we are together!
Do you need contact with someone? Reach Out! To me or someone you know. 🙏
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